flow

"what started as a whisper, slowly turns to a scream"--ben harper amen, omen

i've always been pretty visual, within. i see water the way i want to move with it and strive to put my body and board in a place were i'm not disturbing what is going to take place naturally, anyway. i try to move over trail the same way. my first experience with flow was like this for me, back when it was a bone game...still without a name or understanding. external expectations speaking for an internal soul.

all that said, you still need tools for the trade. glassy, you don't paddle out. injured, you don't run. busted wheel led to some bad, lingering shit. finally recovered the physical and slowly...very slowly, i caught whispers of that spirit that used to draw me out the door every day. then, snow melt, sunshine, stoke...who knows what the perfect ingredient is, but we found each other and now i find myself so attracted to how trail running feels right now i don't want anything to disturb it. not a race. not a vacation. i have had the best runs i've had in over two years. that flow that drew me here in the first place and made me want to seek out places to live and a lifestyle where i could cultivate it. it's also similar to that *feeling* we get before we make that choice to push it towards that razors edge between excellent fitness and terrible injury. i've been there. this ain't no outlaw shit. my ego is checked. one thing i've learned from all of this is that right when i start to feel invincible, it's time to take a day off. if the flow is there, waiting to join me when i start running again that next day, then it's real. if it's faded...well, was it really there?

i had an old friend once tell me that just because the surf is shaking your house at waimea and things are going really good for you, that doesn't mean that's it's an invitation to come out and play. it could just as easily be a message to stay in bed and sit this one out so that you are able to receive the gifts of another, even better day.