Saturday, October 3, 2009
black and white
maybe just a little more. maybe that pain won't be there tomorrow. maybe i'll load up ibuprofen or arnica and it'll pass. anything to give me a chance to run tomorrow. massage it. ice it. load it again, hurt it, then rest it before you abuse it a little more.
the mri machine pinged in my ears. the ooohing and aaaahing from the radiologist. i told myself she was watching the x games on espn and not looking at my images, playing one final game with myself.
i was wrong.
clarity, now. it's not a heel bruise. it's not plantar fasciitis. baxters nerve? nuh uh. i showed up for the follow up prepared. i drove the car instead of riding my bike. i think subconsciously i knew it was worse than i'd imagined. i was ready for das boot. i was ready for the needle. i was not ready to pick and choose which color of fiberglass cast they would be encasing my leg in.
i'm more than a few hours into this. i've ground to a halt. i still keep expecting to wake up and go for a run, pain free. i expect to go ride my bike and not have it hurt after a 3 mile commute. i expect to be able to equally stand on both legs and not unweight the right side. well, that day is coming, but the reality is i am awake...now. no more grey area. it's clear, in black and white.
my season was short. 14 weeks. razors edge the entire time. i got to fulfill a dream and take a journey that exceeded my imagination. i ran on borrowed time. it explains the achilles issues, the plantar, the calf tightness, soleus tightness that have kept me from consistency and distanced me from my flow. now, forced rest. rebuilding. a new journey.
no tears. no anger. relief.