Saturday, October 3, 2009

black and white

maybe just a little more. maybe that pain won't be there tomorrow. maybe i'll load up ibuprofen or arnica and it'll pass. anything to give me a chance to run tomorrow. massage it. ice it. load it again, hurt it, then rest it before you abuse it a little more.

the mri machine pinged in my ears. the ooohing and aaaahing from the radiologist. i told myself she was watching the x games on espn and not looking at my images, playing one final game with myself.

i was wrong.

clarity, now. it's not a heel bruise. it's not plantar fasciitis. baxters nerve? nuh uh. i showed up for the follow up prepared. i drove the car instead of riding my bike. i think subconsciously i knew it was worse than i'd imagined. i was ready for das boot. i was ready for the needle. i was not ready to pick and choose which color of fiberglass cast they would be encasing my leg in.

i'm more than a few hours into this. i've ground to a halt. i still keep expecting to wake up and go for a run, pain free. i expect to go ride my bike and not have it hurt after a 3 mile commute. i expect to be able to equally stand on both legs and not unweight the right side. well, that day is coming, but the reality is i am no more grey area. it's clear, in black and white.

my season was short. 14 weeks. razors edge the entire time. i got to fulfill a dream and take a journey that exceeded my imagination. i ran on borrowed time. it explains the achilles issues, the plantar, the calf tightness, soleus tightness that have kept me from consistency and distanced me from my flow. now, forced rest. rebuilding. a new journey.

no tears. no anger. relief.
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mkirk said...

Good attitude, Scott. Here's an opportunity to exercise the mind and keyboarding fingers...

You really need to put some of that powerful prose to work reflecting on your recent accomplishments and the impressive lifestyle you're living. I hope you heal up soon...

But I also hope to read a more in depth account of the journey to WS on this blog. Before year's end?

Scott said...

Thank You, for the thoughts, My Friend.

I have an unabridged version of my WS race report. It's very detailed and tough to read. I tried to pare it down with the help of some editors several times but couldn't resign myself to cut stuff out just for the sake of good publishing. It was all valuable to me. So I have kept it as a tool for myself. I have debated posting it...I think that time for putting the unabridged version online may be soon. I have time, now.

Meriwether said...

man...i hate seeing that. The cast, and knowing the pain that only lots of rest will heal. When similar things happen to me, I would tell myself: Time for those other things I neglect because of my habits - reading, guitar, writing, and so on. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck and I hope it heals quicker than expected.