proof of life

needed a first hand look. angeles crest has returned to a fall race date and on the schedule for next year, bucket list race that made sense. i was surprised at how motivated to run it made me. 

so, wanted a baseline. had a plan, wanted to take a bite and see what i could chew. 

showed up. found a dive bar, drank a beer and played some pool. grabbed a nap underneath an early starting nervous 100k runner whos pack testing jumps made it sound like they were coming through the ceiling. coffee'd up. stuffed all the unnecessary "mandatory" gear into a waist belt i never wear and waited patiently while 650+ runners were narcissistically funneled through a chute so they could high five the founder. sat back and watched hundreds of runners awkwardly navigate taking out poles for a 20ft dirt road climb. 

*le sigh. 

i don't have the mileage or any long runs to speak of, but i have a healthy body and some consistency on the backend of being injured and burnt crispy last year. 90 minutes into this deal at the top of the first climb behind a conga line of nervous breakfast farts and awkward conversation at 8000 ft i decided to stop taking it so gently and run 100 mile effort. the course was beautiful and trails were excellent. i moved up 200+ places over the next few hours and surprised myself with every buzz of the watch eclipsing each mile. felt smooth the whole time and was still strong at the end. there is still some good running in me after all. 

proof of life. i have an internal plan of what's to come. sweating more in peace time means we bleed less in war. time to see where it leads me. 

analog

my initial attraction to running off-road was fueled by the easy vibe around it and the community. dig, we still ran roads, but mostly to balance out what the goals were off-road. the relationship with the terrain and sharing the challenge with friends in a time when flow was the goal and completion was celebrated as equally as speed was. analog training logs and analog timing. looking up to take in the views and listening to the water flow versus looking at gps watches and being driven by external data. eating when we were hungry and drinking when we were thirsty. the balance offered a sustainability and built love instead of what i'm seeing so much of now. burnout in exchange for a short stint of attention before unrealized expectations murder the vibe and folks go looking elsewhere for those kudos. step back. look up. 

fully present and aware of how this has changed, i'm grateful to have experienced this early vibe and that it is the foundation of my love for running trails and built on those experiences as i now stand aside and watch the sport in it's current growth spurt based upon high fuel, data and carbon fiber plates. it's a cycle, like so many others that have come and gone, so it goes...

periwinkle blue

surrealism aims to revolutionize human experience. it balances a rational vision of life with one that asserts the power of the unconscious and dreams. the movement's artists find magic and strange beauty in the unexpected and the uncanny, the disregarded and the unconventional. at the core of their work is the willingness to challenge imposed values and norms, and a search for freedom. 

-Tate

vecchia gloria

experience, opinions and unsolicited advice 

i actually love when people admit their desires, their competitiveness, their want to win. its accountable. win or lose, you come out knowing who you are. let me burn amongst this heat. 

kindness is not weakness, but just taking shit is. it’s good to be kind… but don’t let anybody step all over you. walk away and clear that energy.

you can do most things you want if you are willing enough to try and strong enough to not care what anyone thinks of it.

the things about you that someone hates will be the same things that someone else loves. anything can show value among the right collectors.

confidence comes from proving yourself to yourself. putting yourself into tough situations, dealing and seeing where it takes you. it doesn’t thrive or grow by living in your comfort zone.

people judge you by your actions. you judge yourself by your intentions. remember that.

being right means the other person is wrong and not every situation has a right and wrong. stop trying to be right and start trying to understand where the common ground is. you can either be right or you can be happy. you rarely get to be both.

being healthy and strong will outlast being fast. take your shot while it's in front of you, then pivot and evolve. be honest with yourself in this process.  time waits for nobody. 

where else can we do this?

de-escalation

the grid consumed me a bit this year. first time burnt out in ages. burned important candles and got burned by some not so important ones, too. lots of night miles in the truck to zip codes and surf breaks, but not as many trail heads as years past. my body felt the consumption and burnout of an emotional mind and physical job and even my compartmentalized stoicism couldn't heal the torn up parts of it for a bit. running didn't feel good, so i rode bikes without a helmet and rode waves without an agenda. yoga lacked flow and the energy in the room wasn't right, so my spirit found sanctuary in meditation and my body in physical therapy my ego thought i didn't need. i let go. de-escalated. 

the baseline is now good as i am about to pass 51 years. i am in love with the process of personal shokunin and am finding the solace of a beginners mind to be freeing. knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is being smart enough not to put it in a fruit salad. 

much love to you all. 

cat gap

so take me down a road that's a little bit windy

to a place where they still put sugar in their iced tea

where the women are fine and the love is fair

hey, driver, you can drop me off anywhere

zach bryan: hey driver

half centum

somewhere in the alps

"the center of gravity of life remains immutable and that, when one succeeds in understanding it, all life's activities, whether tranquil and studious or intense, may lead to a state of self-awareness which expresses itself perfectly in life and action:

-zen teaching