periwinkle blue

surrealism aims to revolutionize human experience. it balances a rational vision of life with one that asserts the power of the unconscious and dreams. the movement's artists find magic and strange beauty in the unexpected and the uncanny, the disregarded and the unconventional. at the core of their work is the willingness to challenge imposed values and norms, and a search for freedom. 

-Tate

vecchia gloria

experience, opinions and unsolicited advice 

i actually love when people admit their desires, their competitiveness, their want to win. its accountable. win or lose, you come out knowing who you are. let me burn amongst this heat. 

kindness is not weakness, but taking shit is. it’s good to be kind… but don’t let anybody step all over you. walk away and clear that energy.

you can do most things you want if you are willing enough to try and strong enough to not care what anyone thinks of it.

the things about you that someone hates will be the same things that someone else loves. anything can show value among the right collectors.

confidence comes from proving yourself to yourself. putting yourself into tough situations, dealing and seeing where it takes you. it doesn’t thrive or grow by living in your comfort zone.

people judge you by your actions. you judge yourself by your intentions. remember that.

being right means the other person is wrong and not every situation has a right and wrong. stop trying to be right and start trying to understand where the common ground is. you can either be right or you can be happy. you rarely get to be both.

being healthy and strong will outlast being fast. take your shot while it's in front of you, then pivot and evolve. be honest with yourself in this process.  time waits for nobody. 

where else can we do this?

de-escalation

the grid consumed me a bit this year. first time burnt out in ages. burned important candles and got burned by some not so important ones, too. lots of night miles in the truck to zip codes and surf breaks, but not as many trail heads as years past. my body felt the consumption and burnout of an emotional mind and physical job and even my compartmentalized stoicism couldn't heal the torn up parts of it for a bit. running didn't feel good, so i rode bikes without a helmet and rode waves without an agenda. yoga lacked flow and the energy in the room wasn't right, so my spirit found sanctuary in meditation and my body in physical therapy my ego thought i didn't need. i let go. de-escalated. 

the baseline is now good as i am about to pass 51 years. i am in love with the process of personal shokunin and am finding the solace of a beginners mind to be freeing. knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is being smart enough not to put it in a fruit salad. 

much love to you all. 

cat gap

so take me down a road that's a little bit windy

to a place where they still put sugar in their iced tea

where the women are fine and the love is fair

hey, driver, you can drop me off anywhere

zach bryan: hey driver

half centum

somewhere in the alps

"the center of gravity of life remains immutable and that, when one succeeds in understanding it, all life's activities, whether tranquil and studious or intense, may lead to a state of self-awareness which expresses itself perfectly in life and action:

-zen teaching

waldo

i am lucky to have two of the best gigs of the weekend. i love marking the course and i really love getting to announce in race updates and mc the finishes of waldo runners. i have these transactional relationships with folks i get to see every year for a weekend under a united goal of providing a world class experience for runners who choose to visit central oregon with a variety of goals that are relatable to me as a runner.

marking the course i got the see the results of the fire from last year and it's affect on the course. i have the perspective of how things used to look and it was sobering, but unsurprising. the irony was that marking was done with smoke from yet another wildfire in the air. the earth is hotter and drier and whether lightening or man made causes, the beautiful places we love will continue to evolve due to climate change. appreciate them while we have them. race day, the smoke cleared out and we were treated to beautiful weather for running. one of many years of waldo magic i have experienced when smoke and fire threatened to cancel the event. 

we've had two time winners of western states at waldo before. shit, we've had a 14 time winner, but seeing a 68 year old former champion rising to the challenge on two artificial knees to finish this year was incredible. jim howard is a waldo finisher. 

on my data sheet for this year we listed previous waldo finishes. the mix was lots of first time finishers with many multi time finishers. lots of 6, 7 and 8 timers getting one more. i believe this weekend provides some of our past finishers with the same sense of family that the races long time repeat volunteers and staff members feel, and that keeps them coming back for more. among the first timers, i met husbands who had run here back to crew wives who had crewed them running their first 100k. i saw new ultrarunners and names i recognized but were able to meet in person for the first time. the race winner this year was a woman who lived and worked in bend fresh out of college back in 2010 pursuing the professional road racing route. now she's thinking about western states. 

one of the most emotional and reflective finishes for me this year was jeff riley. bili ran the race 7 times early on in waldo's infancy and was a volunteer in other years. life has it's challenges and bili was not immune to them and we didn't see him for a long time. this was a guy we spent thousands of miles on the trails with training for States, doing speedwork, long runs, lot of laughter, brownies, etc. he was a brother and reconnecting with him last year at the finish was one of my highlights. he was running again, in a healthy place physically and emotionally and wanting to run waldo this year. looking across that field last saturday seeing that unmistakable running form emerging from the woods towards the finish and then looking to my left and seeing OD, LB, Dano, Q, T-Bag and lc the nostalgia, happiness and excitement absolutely dissolved any chance of me maintaining composure that was already hanging on by a thread. i realize now as i write this that if you could take a snapshot of what waldo is...it's moments and memories like that one. everyone has a story. it's that feeling. it's that celebration, for all of us. runners, crews, volunteers, staff. it's that love that keeps everyone coming back here and new folks coming up. there is no gatekeeper. all are welcome and we look forward to having you. see you next year. 

mayonaise

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
Run away with me tomorrow
June
Try, ease the pain
Somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go
I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream
And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
Cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this
No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

smashing pumpkins. mayonaise